Take a look at the following list and see if anything sounds familiar. If so, you may be in a toxic relationship

• You have changed you who are to try to please your partner.
• He tells you he loves you but his actions don’t reflect that.
• He puts you down or degrades you in public.
• He is controlling by invading your privacy and keeping close tabs on where you are and what you do.
• He tries to keep you dependent on him

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It’s hard to understand why anyone would be in a toxic relationship but it is much more common than you may think. Rationally we know it doesn’t make sense to be with a man that makes us feel unsafe or at risk emotionally and physically. It helps to understand the source of these relationships.

A common reason for women ending up in toxic relationships was that they were brought up in toxic families. When we grow up in those kind of environments it is easy to replay those patterns in our adult relationships without even being conscious of it. Other reasons could be that deep inside you don’t feel like you deserve to be happy or you want someone to take care of.

See if you recognize this cycle:

First there’s the honeymoon period, then a blow up, then you make up and start the cycle all over again.

Everyone loves the honeymoon period. It is when all is going well and at the beginning of your relationship you might not even know the relationship is toxic until the blow up. By this time you are entrenched and it is hard to get out.

It is difficult, but it is not impossible to get out and stay out of toxic relationships. You have to know that you still have choices. However, it can be even harder the longer you are in the relationship because it wears on your self esteem and can cause depression.

Don’t let him make you believe that it’s all your fault. At this point you know you have choices and you can choose to leave him or set limits. Some women get results from therapy to make these changes.

If you have hope that you can turn your relationship around, the good news is that this destructive cycle can be broken either by starting new in a healthy relationship with someone else or healing your current relationship. Even the worse relationships can be saved; sometimes you just need a little space. Other times you’ll need professional help. Both of you need to be willing to work at it if anything is expected to change.

It is important for you to set limits if you want to work on a toxic relationship. Be seriously willing to walk out if your relationship doesn’t improve.

Once you decide that you will leave if you need to you are free from a dependency to that relationship. Now let him know what you need from the connection in an honest, and simple manner. This could be “I need your love” or “I need your support.”

If he can’t give you what you need, he should know that you won’t stay around.

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