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Alli

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Alli

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Click here for the Magic of Making Up

Most professionals suggest getting over a relationship by taking some time to turn inward.  Unfortunately, women tend to take this inward turn and transpose it into ways to find fault with themselves.  If only I could water ski, if only I was prettier, if only I was a better lover?  None of that is fair to do to your self and shouldn’t be entertained for more than a few minutes!  The word relationship by definition entails that more than one person is involved and although we wish we could; we cannot control, persuade or force others to do as we think is right.

Even if we are the ones ending the relationship; it can leave a void and is very similar to giving up a habit.  Sometimes, people in our lives become habits and more than we enjoy who they are and what we offer each other, we enjoy the fact that they are there.  If you think about that, you would most likely see that it’s true in your case as well and getting over the relationship often has something to do with finding a new habit.  This doesn’t mean finding a new relationship; but rather taking the time to reconnect with your personal and innermost passions in life!  By reigniting your fire and taking new chances to do new things and encounter new experiences you begin to catapult yourself to the next phase of your life.  Often this is the best therapy for getting over a relationship.

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As you think about your past relationship which you are assured to do; try to find the happy moments and pleasure with which you can cultivate gratitude.  Try to ease your anger into a better vibrational match to who you are and to grow from it.  This can take time and journaling your feelings, using meditation, hypnosis or listening to relaxing music so that you can clear your head and your channels of anger can move mountains in your attempts to make progress!  Whatever you do, allow your self time to heal and grieve and begin taking time to do what is important to nurture yourself!

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One thing never recommended is to jump into a new relationship.  Rebounding cheats your self out of gaining the lessons you were supposed to learn from this previous relationship.  If you think of each relationship in life as a series of ladder rungs that are helping you to make your way to the top; you will be able to take each step with gratitude.  Perhaps gratitude and finding a place where you can feel gratitude are incredibly important in the healing of your broken heart. IT may seem like a consolation prize at first; but being grateful for all of our experiences and allowing ourselves to see and feel what we have to learn from it makes heartbreak more tolerable.

Some people believe that everything happens for a reason while others believe that they can control everything.  Sometimes, a broken heart teaches us in a cruel way that we don’t have control.  No matter how much we wanted to see ourselves with someone; we can’t force people to love us!  This is heartbreaking all in itself.  But at the same time, part of the healing process is recognizing that love is supposed to feel good and be a partnership.  It never can nor will work one sided and no woman should want to stay in a situation where they are not loved entirely!  Being let go affords you the opportunity to be free and to fly forward to what is waiting next for you.

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Healing a broken heart is not fun, nor is it something that we can prepare ourselves to do.  If we are spend our relationships bracing for the worst we are no doubt attracting that to us and at the same time negating our ability to feel real love!  By the same token; not having relationships out of fear or turning a soft heart bitter because of a bad relationship only serves to hurt us!  Cherish the love you had, be grateful for the fact that it entered your life and decide to see the split as movement to your next plane in life.  IT was a rung on the ladder and obviously, you have something more; something better and something more closely matched to your heart awaiting you!  This by no means indicates that you can’t cry and take the time to heal yourself; you must!  Btu it also doesn’t mean you have to hold yourself down in feeling sad!  Although you might not be able to see it right away there will come a time in your life when you will look back on your broken heart and not be able to taste the shrill pain it caused.  You may even look at the man standing next to you and realize had it not been for that one heartbreak; you would never know the love you know now!  That is destiny in action.

Click here for the Supreme Self-Confidence Guide

One of the first problems that so many of us have is gauging ourselves by what others think of us.  We either compare ourselves to someone else or take a bad relationship or let down as a personal insult!  Perhaps this is normal, but it is not a healthy way to live nor should it be a way of life that you feel there is no way out of.  Here are just a few things you can do to help in your struggle to overcome low self esteem!  Remember, that is a truth that all is always well; whether you believe it or not is the trick!

Let’s talk exercise.  Yoga, aerobics, walking and any other thing to get yourself moving will create endorphin release and make you feel better about your self and the world.  Plus, you are doing something healthy and engaging in something for your self.  It doesn’t matter if you want to lose weight or not – find something to get you moving!

Hypnotherapy has been used for years.  One of the great things is that unlike other modes of self help; hypnotherapy does not require you to relive past pains or get to the nitty gritty of a problem.  Hypnotherapy unlocks your troubles from their source subconsciously and can easily free you from exhausted patterns of thinking.  It is relaxing and soul affirming as well!  Plus, it is painless and takes little more than openness to this find art of tapping into your deep subconscious.

Mediation is also useful.  Meditation allows us to become centered and to be in touch with our existence from a whole new point of view.  When you meditate you can easily feel like one part of this beautiful world you live in and remove the feelings of disconnect that often separate you from happiness.  This is a great tool for self affirmation as well as for relaxation and goal creation and success!  The mind is so powerful and when you choose to allow it to work for you rather than against you; you can overcome low self esteem that just yesterday was crippling!

Click here for the Supreme Self-Confidence Guide

Removing negative talk.  Many metaphysical schools of thought show us that our thoughts create our reality!  Thinking and talking negatively only brings more of the same to you!  By learning to consciously develop our thoughts and to be authentic and positive in our words we can alter our worlds forever!  Practice! Everyday! Starting NOW!

These are just a few tactics you can use to boost your self esteem!  But, if you do these things or find something that works better for you – you are taking the first step in the right direction.  Life and living is about abundance and love and if we are unwilling or unable to seek that out for ourselves than any relationship that results in our life will not be as loving and supportive as it should be!  You owe it to your self to change the light you see yourself in and remove the filters that seem to hide all your inner beauty from your self!

One of the most empowering things you can do for your self is to work on your self confidence.  Self confidence is the foundation for success in all areas of your life.  If you are unwilling to think highly of your self and see your self as a creature who is constantly learning and changing than others will not be able to see you that either.  We are always harder on ourselves than others are on us; and being patient and forward thinking with your successes and failures will help to increase your self confidence and constantly keep you self worth at the forefront of your life.

Click here for the Supreme Self-Confidence Guide

Women who believe in themselves are not above self criticism nor are they selfish or self absorbed.  In fact, they understand that life is a series of events that prepare you for your next step.  Sometimes we know what our next step will be and other times we patiently fly on the wings of fate until we get there.  In either case, learning is constant and all women (and men) should be in a constant state of forward motion that helps us to identify with our lessons and make changes that will make our lives as abundant as they are supposed to be!

SO many women don’t think they deserve to be happy or are holding onto things from their past which place them at fault or in a place of fear!  Let it go!  As long as you learn what you are supposed to and make changes to your life accordingly you are succeeding.  When we know better; we do better!  Give your self a break and realize always that you are only human and never perfect.  But at the same time, understand that each moment finds you as perfect as you are supposed to be!

There are some things you can do to actively improve your self confidence.  First of all, be honest with YOU!  Speak in honesty and use your words as impeccable windows to your soul.  Do the same thing with your thoughts.  If you are afraid or critical in your head; remove the negativity and change your thoughts or words to be from a positive point of view.  For instance instead of “I will never get a date” say, “I am patiently waiting and working on myself so that I attract the perfect date for me.”  This is difficult and takes constant attention; but in the end is well worth it.

Learn to let go of anything that doesn’t feel good to you!  Whether it is thoughts, items etc; do something to let it go.  Write it down and burn it or blow the thought in to a bubble and pop it!  If it makes you feel bad it isn’t worth hanging onto.  Learning to let go is transforming and liberating!  If you hang on to negative things you are holding on to garbage!

Click here for the Supreme Self-Confidence Guide

Spend time with and by yourself.  Get to know your self and take a personal inward journey.  Take a Saturday each month to explore and to increase your awareness and follow your passions and make this a habit as constant as brushing your teeth.  This decreases your dependence on others and allows you to have clarity of mind!  Life is to be lived and experienced with others and on our own!  Spread your wings!

Remember that improving your self confidence is always important and truly is the most remarkable way to make a positive difference in your life.  Take the time to listen to your self and your body, to figure out what you need and never dismiss something; especially a dream; because it sounds silly.  All things are born out of thought!

Click here for the Get a Guy Guide

1. Join a dating community based on your needs.  You have your choice of relationship type online dating niches that will match you based on compatibility; more casual chatting and flirting type communities as well as those based on your particular age group or specific life interests.  For instance if you are an equine enthusiast and couldn’t imagine a weekend without riding; opt for an online service targeted to this group of people!
2. Be honest and sincere in your profile.  Many people aren’t and are trying harder to write sales copy than to depict who they really are and what they really want out of the experience.  Take time with your profile and be honest with others and your self.  Attracting someone based on misconceptions or lies is not a good way to start things out.
3. Avoid online sexual undertones.  If an online relationship develops later you have the right to decide for yourself what level you take it too; but initiating this only makes you appear shallow and more concerned with impressing men and getting dates than building a relationship based on lasting mechanisms.
4. Be a good online communicator.  Your first impression will be made through your email or chat room presence; so be authentic, honest and think about what you are writing!

   Click here for The Get A Guy Guide

5. Put pictures of your self online that show you as you are.  Don’t put a glamour portrait as your profile picture when even your mother wouldn’t recognize.  If you aren’t comfortable with putting up pictures; leave them out and send them only to people you are interested in.
6. Always remember that your goal and intention are to have an actual and real relationship with these people!  Don’t get so caught up in a persona that you create a virtual relationship which will leave you unfulfilled down the road.
7. Use respect!  Treat others like you would want to be treated, which means answering people promptly, indicating a lack of interest nicely and working hard to not hurt others.  Remember there is such thing as karma!
8. Remember that 25% of all people online using these services are married.  Dust off your innocence and learn how to recognize these signs.  Not only do you want to never become another women; but you want to respect other women as well!  No matter how well screened the service you use is – married people still manage to get online.
9. Exude confidence!  Be confident in your self and you will attract men who like confident women.  If you meet face to face at some point; continue being confident.  One bad date or one bad online relationship is a learning experience not an indication of failure!
10. Safety first!  Use your head and no matter how perfect someone seems online never agree to meet or arrange a meeting unless someone knows where you are.  Use the buddy system and always put your safety far ahead of your heart!

The goal in online dating is not to end up virtually tied to your computer.  You deserve much more than that in life and you can and will have a relationship that is physical and healthy in all ways as long as you pride your self on being authentic and real.  Should you decide not to be, the only person you are hurting is your self.  You can also think of your online dating experiences as ways to gain confidence and hone your dating skills taking pride in your accomplishments along the way.

Click here for Conversation Chemistry

First of all, realize that the art of conversation is a shared skill.  This means you definitely cannot do it alone.  It is much like dancing where you have to meet the movements of your partner and read what is coming next.  The biggest rule to be an effective communicator in love and in other areas of your life is eye contact.  Maintain eye contact when talking to people, don’t fiddle with your face or clothes and use the persons name to ensure that they stay attentive to you.

The most important tip is often the hardest for women.  Say what you mean and mean what you say!  Trying to please someone else by saying what you think they want to hear is self defeating and will not help you to get your point across or properly display yourself in the light of your authentic self.  If you say what you mean and never start conversations with an accusatory word or tone like “You always” or “You never” you can ensure that your words are never minced.  No one can read your mind and you are absolutely entitled to your opinions, thoughts and otherwise!  If someone you are talking to is valuable in your life they want to hear what you really mean rather than a fluffed up version of the truth!  This will also empower you and make you feel listened to. Ask questions and ask others how they feel; then wait for the answer.  Interrupting shows a complete lack of manners, respect and restraint!  Bite your tongue if you want to jump in.

In order to effectively communicate you have to listen.  This means keeping eye contact, nodding in agreement and showing an interest in the conversation.  It also means NOT turning every sentence around to be about you!  Look for others who do this as well and you will be able to weed out ego maniacs in your life.  Remember, this is a dance not a solo act!

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Another effective communication tool, especially when you are trying to learn about someone you are dating is to never ask yes or no questions!  Always leave them open so that your dance partner can add some insight to your experience.  Watch them as they talk and based on their eyes and body language you will be able to interpret truths, hurts and uncomfortable conversations!  If someone doesn’t want to talk about something- than allow them to change the subject at least for the time being.  Conversations should not be power struggles.

Perhaps one of the most important aspects for women in using the art of conversation is to never try to appear dumb!  Don’t ask questions you know the answers to and work very hard to display your emotional intelligence.  You are a thinking being and by portraying yourself as such right away in a conversation you will earn the respect that you deserve.

If you think of your conversation skills as a dance performance you will realize that the two of you either have chemistry on the dance floor or you don’t!  If you feel unable to express yourself freely, find your self physically swallowing often or witness your partner doing the same – things are not going well!  Find your voice and allow the people in your life to have theirs!  This will make for the most beautiful dance of all!

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Clenched fists, crossed arms and hands in pockets mean that the person you are dealing with is frustrated or angry.  It can also signify distrust.  Essentially – they are closed to what you have to say or offer!  If a love interest reacts this way you can assume pretty perfectly that they are not interested.  Eye language is also important.  If a man holds your eye contact for more than 3 seconds they are sexually interested in you.  This is according to a Research Study done at a major university.  If they say “heh” and look away then chances are they do not feel an instant sense of chemistry.

When a man touches their face or hair (especially their lips) they are saying very loudly that they are in fact very interested in you.  This is also referred to as autoerotic touching.  When you are learning to read body language you will notice that watching two people talking can give immediate clues to what they are feeling.  A man or woman touching their lips, hair, ears or nose is a sure sign of interest.  When they play with their nose, it indicates that they are nervous about their appearance and want to make an impression!

Another form of body language is whether or not someone touches you.  Most brushes of the hand or hands on your waistline are not accidental and show an “ownership” or intentional closeness.  If you are flirting with a man you may want to touch their shoulder or a piece of their clothing as a way to show interest.

A few negative body language secrets have to do with the shrugging of the shoulders and shifting of eyes.  If people shrug their shoulders or stretch while having a conversation with you they are bored and uninterested.  If their eyes shift around the room there is a good chance they are not being honest or forthright in their intention or their words.  Also, a tilted head either from a man or woman shows interested and sincerity while rigid head movements (often from side to side) show disagreement and are not trustworthy.  Many people will nod no when they are trying to coerce you into doing something.

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The clues that show a man is interested in you go much deeper than what he says and many men try to act coy or uninterested.  Here are sure fire body language secrets that say he is interested in you.  Raising the eyebrows or fidgeting with a wardrobe accessory is one sign. Leaning in, touching the hair or playing with their fingers on a bottle or something is indicative of great interest.  Another sign he is interested in you is nodding!  Many men will make eye contact and nod as if to say hello, when in reality they are saying that they approve!